This morning questions arise

A voice had questions this morning : Why teach this yoga class today - who am I to teach others? What sets me apart from them? The voice continued, screeching : You ate meat in this lifetime - You were drunk with vomit in your hair - You’ve cussed - You’ve flipped people off - Who do you think you are? What kind of health and wellness can YOU offer anyone?

I took the questions seriously and into my meditation, I was like : Who DO I think I am?

The other night, it was cold in Austin, Texas. I was driving around and there were so many homeless people on the street. Some of them paced back and forth, many of them were talking to themselves. I felt, in my wrists and bones, the same cold wind on their skin, their faces.

When I was homeless, I told myself : I just need to get to point XYZ and it will be ok… Then I was homeless again. Then I told myself : Maybe I just need to accept who I am - what I’ve become, this is my life… Then I was homeless again… Each time, I went through a different process - accepting where I am, wondering why, planning to get out of that there and then… different processes…

But this morning, when these questions and criticisms arose, I wasn’t homeless or uncomfortable. My spine ached so I moved it. Why these strange questions?

When I lived in a homeless shelter, no one could have guessed it. Even now, it will be shocking for others to discover this fact about me. And this can be like spitting and thinking no one sees you spit - a kind of hiding, a kind of lie.

When I walked into the office to lead a yoga class, I shared that with the people. I said : This morning, the voices tried to persuade me to not show up. I’m here anyway. The voices asked me who I think I am? I showed up anyway. The voices reminded me of all the reasons I am not good enough. The voices tell me some other yoga teacher would be better for you. I showed up anyway.

My yoga Mentor, Anand Mehrotra, says : Show up fully! And so I do. He says : Practice when no one is watching. And so I do.

After the first Kriya, the energy pulsating, the mind humbled by the breath, we paused together, palms facing up. I heard Anand : Stay. Stay. From my heart, I repeated : Stay. Stay. Let all the crows fly away.

I put my hands on my lap and enjoyed the smile appear across my face, over my whole body, and I knew I would never be homeless again - not ever - no matter what is above me - roof or sky. I’m always good and I’m always home now.


Deserving Power and Masturbation

Two topics on my mind this morning are : Masturbation and Deserving Power.

I don’t like these words so I did some research to find words I prefer, words which strike meaning for me : I chose Shakti (to replace deserving power) and Brahma (to replace masturbation). Here’s why…

Going into Sanskrit, I found Hastmaithun. Ha is a form of Siva. Ha is a cipher - like the arithmetical figure symbolizing o. Ha represents meditation, sky, heaven, paradise, dying, fear, knowledge, the moon, Visnu, war , battle, a horse, pride, a physician, a cause and a motive.

Let’s go on a journey with this, shall we?

Have you ever masturbated? I’m not advocating for or against masturbation - I’m simply asking if ever you have? If not, you will not understand what I’m talking about - you will also not understand if you have masturbated but only as an escape or addiction.

For those of us who have masturbated as an exploration, process or form, Ha will make sense. Ha Siva - the limitless, the one who is beyond beyond, the one who is bound not by inhibitions, morality or compulsion. Ha Siva - the master of the senses. It makes sense that the beginning of masturbation would be Siva.

And, cipher, the o - the root contained and also opening to the universe to give and to receive. Within the orgasm is the fear and knowledge like death, like birth. The unknown slips into and out of the known - simultaneously present, past and coming. It is the moon, liquid and shining. The cause and the effect. The healing physician and the physician’s discovery, application and duty. Ha, a meditation.

This is the new way to look at masturbation - in which and through which everything is contained and released… a universe of waves and the undefined. Limitlessness.

Another Sanskrit word expression for masturbation is : svayám-indriya-mocana.

Svayám - one’s own (reflexive). Indriya - agreeable to Indra, the King of Heaven, the God of storm, rains and river flow. Mocana - releasing, setting free, letting go. All of this - the rivers, the storm, the God of Heaven is contained in masturbation.

The journey of masturbation includes desire, arousal, climax (with or without orgasm, with or without ejaculation) and return - and this is just on the physical level. Then there is what goes on with the endocrine and the nervous systems. And there can be a psychological element as well as a spiritual element. And I believe there is also a metaphysical phase (or maybe a quantum mechanics aspect). This phase or aspect is not bound by the intellect (not even for this posting) - it has more to do with the possibility of the possible and/or the reality of alternate histories, alternate futures. And it is very personal and unique to each Conscious expression. I don’t think this technology was just dropped on us for no reason or just for sexual purposes or just for procreation alone.

So the word for masturbation needs an update - masturbation is Brahma, the self-born and Divine Creativity. Not to say that masturbation - with a pre-determined, pre-defined physical objective - is Brahma or anywhere near divine or creativity… but we’re talking about potential here. Potential. The possibilities. The limitlessness, the golden womb. Waking up and sleeping deeply.

The other concept I’ve heard lately is : deserving power.

I get that this concept was thought up by someone with the desire to connect with others and to share something. But what does it actually mean?

Personally, I have observed people using the phrase, tossing it around over chai, but when I tilt my head, these speakers seem to have lost control over their speech so these words seem to be just run from their mouths with a kind of urge to self-justify their so-called position in the universe. It’s unbecoming.

But this deserving power is actually essential to every individual - every single living entity - because it locates a reality - the reality of Shakti.

Shakti is not a definition of something or a synonym for something. It’s not a concept or a personification. What Shakti is cannot be contained in letters S-H-A-K-T-I and what deserving power is cannot be contained in words. Deserving power exists - whether you know the word for it or not!

The essence and meaning of Shakti cannot be found within the boundaries of linguistics - word formation and semantic change. Shakti is a reality, beyond the mind. Shakti, deserving power, is not limited by awareness. Shakti is the essence of Nature, the Source.

Discovery your own Power. Find your own meaning.


I am not a Sanskrit scholar. Nor am I a psychologist or doctor. I am an Intuitive scholar and the Poet Truth.